I'd Rather Be A Fencepost In Texas...

Months ago I made a prediction about Rick Perry's run for President.

Even before it was a dead certain lock that Perry would run I stared into my political crystal ball and made this prognostication.

"If Rick Perry runs, the rest of the United States won't be attacking him. They'll be attacking Texas."

Can I call 'em or what?

Now that the Governor has decided to share his hair with the other 49, the barrage of anti-Texas rhetoric has begun.

The media and his opposition resemble a criminal flash mob in Philadelphia. Perry dared to step outside of Texas and regardless of what he has said or done, he's a Texan and they want to issue him a beating. Texas pride and swagger don't play well in Peoria. They also don't play well in D.C., New York, Chicago, Los Angeles or the aforementioned Philadelphia.

I am not going to defend Rick Perry. That's up to him to defend himself. He'll have to throw on his big boy panties and deal with the venom like I have for 15 years. My only advice to him is to "cowboy up" and throw some starch in his shirt.

However, I am going to defend Texas.

The pundits, pollsters, politicians from both parties and other assorted yahoos need to get something through their thick heads.

You do not understand Texas because you aren't Texans. Stop trying. You will never understand it because you are a lost cause. Your brain does not function correctly or enough to "get" us.

Because of this simple fact you need to step off of your holier-than-thou high horse and shove your self-perceived moral superiority up your backside. Before you make judgments on Texas take a good long look at the dilapidated, third-world cesspool that you call your state and see where your "ideology" and "good intentions" have gotten you.

Remind yourself that if it had not been for the socialists in power in DC and the long-suffering and productivity of Texans, your pathetic excuse for a state would have been bankrupt a long time ago.

If you are reading this from your government-subsidized apartment after cruising the block in your "cash-for-clunkers" purchase, thank a Texan. Had it not been from the Federal Government taking tax money from hard-working Texans and subsidizing your lifestyle, you would already be walking to and from your tent that you affectionately refer to as "Home".

You also have given Perry tons of grief over carrying a pistol while he jogs. You've used this potential tall-tale to decry the "gun culture" in Texas. The news commentators among you have trouble finding the words just to ask "why would anyone carry a gun while they jog?"

Newsflash to the talking heads. Texans have guns and we like to carry them. What good are they when you need them and they are locked in a cabinet miles away. We not only carry then when we jog but also when we travel, when we shop, when we pray, when we play and occasionally we lay them across our lap when we're on the toilet.

It's impossible for you to fathom and that's why you are reporting on "flash mob" crimes in places like Philadelphia and Wisconsin and haven't reported a single one of them in a Texas city. If you ever report one, it's likely to be no more than one. "Why?" you ask. Because the first Texans that they try that "flash mob" nonsense on will have their head turned into a canoe with a .45 round and that will be the end of that.

Your hatred for our "gun culture" has consequences for you. Even with TSA agents jamming their hands down your pants you are not safe on an airplane. Put a terrorist with a box cutter against a Texan, with or without a gun, and I'll bet on the Texan every time.

You may call this Texas brag or Texas swagger. Honestly, we don't care what you call it because we don't listen too much to you. This is a way of life for us. We are friendly to a fault but when you push us too far then something changes. If you have any doubts do a quick search on "Los Diablos Tejanos". You'll figure it out.

When Perry made his statement about Ben Bernanke and the treasonous Federal Reserve, the pundits were horrified. A Congressman from Oklahoma (the largest county in Texas) publicly chastised him for such harsh rhetoric. Tough. These same people had no qualms about calling me a traitor for advocating Texas secession. Suck it up. The guy is an idiot and part of a cartel of criminals who are bankrupting us all.

Which brings me to the issue of secession. I won't lie. Watching Perry crawfish on the secession issue has been entertaining for me. He and I both know what was said behind closed doors and I'm sure that he still feels the same way. But these mealy-mouthed media goons, Federal Government lapdogs and the ungrateful Marxists in the other 49 just cannot fathom how anyone could advocate secession.

If you want to come close to understanding why Texas would want to secede from the United States, go look in the mirror.

The rest of the United States says that they can't understand why we want to leave all the while trashing Texas. You guys are our 400 pound spouse who eats up the groceries, stops up the toilet and complains because we're out of butter. You talk about how worthless we are while ordering us to go buy you another can of ravioli and bring it to the room that you ate yourself into.

While you may want therapy we want a divorce. We're sick of you.

Beat up on Perry if you want to. He asked for it by even trying to class up the White House. He forgot the immortal words of Davy Crockett.

"I'd rather be a fencepost in Texas than king of Tennessee."

In that spirit, Texans would rather be fenceposts in Texas than President of the United States.